I Take You To All The Best Places…The Museum of my Mind.

costco combo

So I have a date this Saturday.

We’re going shopping at Costco.

Don’t laugh.

Shopping can be a viable dating activity if you do it right, and as the person I am seeing is in the process of moving, it’s practical as well.

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Not my journey. But I can relate and I assume that many who knew and loved Lisa feel the same way about the fact that I am dating. I know this. The journey all of us are on is incredibly complicated. Everything we do creates ripples in the pond that just move outward. Remember that when you see people out here doing their thing. Just…remember that.

How To Deal When Your Widowed Parent Starts Dating Again

An Intersection and a Revelation or 3

So last night on The Book of Face, I posted a link to a story about Christopher Eccelston’s run on Doctor Who and I added this comment:

FYI – Lisa didn’t know anything about Doctor Who before Eccleston. But she saw the show with him and was hooked.

It took her a while to warm to Tennant, but she ended up loving him.

She died during Smith’s run and never warmed to him and so she never got to see Capaldi.

When I look back at he Tennant and Eccleston episodes (especially Eccleston) they are tinged with a little grief. I feel these with Eccleston’s more because I got to introduce the woman I love to something I loved and she ended up loving it too. And I can kind of feel that moment with every episode of his. It’s a bit overwhelming sometimes. This widowhood thing is constantly filled with new revelations.

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Nothing Happens in a Vacuum

Last Wednesday I wrote about the 3rd anniversary of Lisa’s passing, what I did not write about is the compartmentalization required to make it through.

We all know that nothing happens in a vacuum, but it is one thing to know it and another thing to live it.

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I want to thank everyone for the outpourings of love and support I received yesterday and I wanted to thank everyone who did share and read 3 Years for doing so.

Yesterday, I took it easy, ate comfort food, found ways to entertain myself and generally focused on having an uplifting day rather than a sad one.

It mostly worked.   I was OK, except when I wasn’t.   That’s pretty much how it’s supposed to go I think.

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3 Years

Lisa and I at a friend's wedding.
Lisa and I at a friend's wedding.

3 years.   I can’t tell you that I hardly believe it, because that’s not true in any way shape or form.   I believe it totally.

3 years ago today was the worst day of my life.   As I have said before, “It is kind of weird to look back on your life and be able to pick out the worst day with absolute certainly.”

3 years ago today, my wife, best friend and tag team partner, Lisa-Karen Hawkins collapsed at home was taken to the hospital and never came home again.

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Hey Hon!

I discovered that 2 of the most powerful words in the English language (at least to me) are “Hey Hon!”   It is how Lisa used to capture my attention.  Sometimes she’d drop the “Hey” and it would just be “Hon”, but you get the drift.

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Getting Grief Right (via The New York Times)

Getting Grief Right — “All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story or tell a story about them,” said the writer Isak Dinesen. When loss is a story, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no pressure to move on. There is no shame in intensity or duration. Sadness, regret, confusion, yearning and all the experiences of grief become part of the narrative of love for the one who died.

Did You Ever Know That You’re My Hero

Yeah, yeah.  I know.  The word “hero” gets thrown around too much.  In fact certain newspapers use it to describe anyone who does their job (I’m looking at you New York Post – credit goes to John Mulaney for that joke).


Yes the word “hero” gets thrown around too much, but for the purposes of this post I’m using the word as shorthand for someone who has and continues to be “a powerful and significant inspirational influence” in my life.   As you can see, “hero” is pretty much a less burdensome thing to say.

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Sun Tzu and the Affliction of Ignorance


“Even if your ultimate, black-hearted goal is eradicating it from the Earth, your first and paramount goal is to UNDERSTAND it.

On the other hand, if your goal is to reach some kind of civil understanding and accept that we’re all going to be room mates on this rock for another million years, you STILL NEED TO UNDERSTAND IT.

And NO, Slappy. “Understanding” isn’t just what you’ve been fed and are comfortable believing. Understanding isn’t up to your personal choice. It’s usually way outside your comfort zone, but within your reach.” — Amen.

Originally posted on THEunJAYdedBOOK:

First, let’s define a couple things that every educated, thoughtful human being should be able to agree on.

There is a difference between SECULAR education (Academics) and RELIGIOUS education (Indoctrination).

Snake OilIn the case of the latter, we have a lesson that goes something like this:

“True believers know and accept that Betty Croker did, in five days, create the Great Sky Cake. The GSC is the most wonderful and delicious cake ever and you could eat forever and never be full or fat and all the secrets of the world will come known to you and you will be at peace. But the Space Gods TOOK the sky cake because some bad people ate with their hands and they did double-dip that shit. Now, in order to have the GSC you must live your whole life without eating other cakes. And you must cover yourself in frosting on every third…

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Via Lifehacker.com  — Four Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Healthier Person

My 2 cents:

This ends up being about emotional health as well as physical health and it isn’t as harsh as the author makes it out to be. But you have to read it to get that and not pay attention to how each truth is titled. Strangely enough, practicing yoga has put me somewhat on this path already.

I need to think about this more.

Gimme a Beat

Last week, I received a call from a telemarketer.   I documented the call on Facebook.

Got a telemarketing call just now. Asked for Lisa. I told the guy that she passed away in 2012. And he started to continue his pitch “Well then maybe you can help me…”, then the cheery tone went away and there was this long pause as his brain caught up to his mouth.

I could see the lightbulb go off over his head and feel him try to remove the foot from his mouth.  

All through a medium that only transmits audio.

He then told me he was sorry to hear that and that he’d update their records.

My initial reaction was to hope he felt like sh*t. I have backed off from that. He didn’t do anything but his job and he made a mistake that made us both uncomfortable. That was just misplaced anger at play.

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The Taste of Political Snake Oil.

Originally posted on THEunJAYdedBOOK:

It doesn’t solve your problems, but the burn sure feels nice.

The industry of Hate & Fear doesn’t profit on understanding.  As soon as you accept an idea or concept or a belief into your world and achieves something resembling respect, it is lost to the machine that needs you to misunderstand and question its very right to exist.

When you stray too far left or right of a “moderate” view of the world, you find the irrational and the angry, the bitter and the bigoted.  They exist there because they never figured out a way to live in a world with people and ideas that conflict with their own.  Unfortunately, these people are no longer limited to the far stool near the Mens Room at the local bar or their Archie Bunker recliner in front of Fox News.  Some of these people have learned to use mass media to…

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